


you give love a bad name

by honeycrush



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Denial of Feelings, Hopeful Ending, Implied Relationships, Lowercase, M/M, Post-Break Up, Unhealthy Relationships, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-18 07:13:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21923707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeycrush/pseuds/honeycrush
Summary: donghyuck could not count the times anymore they bickered -fought even- and never talked it out afterwards. he could not count the times he heard the door slam shut and the silence that followed after it. his sobs being the only sound left in the room.he could not count the times jaemin’s body was pressed against his in a somewhat comforting hug, whenever donghyuck called him over because he could not handle the loneliness. he needed jaemin to fill the void mark left.(i'm so bad at summarising lol)
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Mark Lee, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 13





	you give love a bad name

**Author's Note:**

  * For [cutie nation](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=cutie+nation).



this is not right. it’s toxic, donghyuck kept telling himself. and it was toxic. he knew it. people told him that way to often. his relationship with mark was toxic. but he did not care, he loves mark. he loves him so deeply he could not imagine a life without mark. mark was so important to him. way too important. “i’m sorry, i love you.” he could not count how many times he already said these words. words that held no meaning to them. everytime something went wrong he said them, like a robot. they are just an automatic response. they held no meaning. they lost their meaning long ago. too long ago. “i love you too”, was what mark would respond to him. mark pulled him closer to himself and wrapped his arms carefully around the boy. his words did not hold any emotion, any meaning. they were just empty words. words that left their lips so many times they lost their initial effect. these words hurt more than do any good. whenever donghyuck felt them he could feel his heart drop, feeling sick to the stomach. 

donghyuck could not count the times anymore they bickered - fought even - and never talked it out afterwards. they do not do that. it is not a mark-donghyuck thing to talk things out. they just waited it out. he could not count the times he heard the door slam shut and the silence that followed after it. soon followed by his sobs being the only sound left in the room. he could not count the times jaemin’s body was pressed against his in a somewhat comforting hug, whenever donghyuck called him over because he could not handle the loneliness. he needed jaemin to fill the void mark left behind. but it was not the same. no matter who would comfort him, it did not give him the comfort he needed. if mark was not by his side than what was the point. he hated whenever mark and him fought. he did not want it to happen, not at all, but it happened again and again, over such little things. he could not stop it. he did not want to stop it. but mark knew when to stop, he knew when he went too far with what he had said. he knew what would hurt donghyuck way too deeply. he could just say whatever he wanted, whatever would hurt donghyuck, but he never did.

he hated how they only seemed to kiss and make up afterwards. like nothing has ever happened. he wanted to stop this but he also hated when mark was not there. he did not want to break it off. he could not just break up with mark like this, it would hurt too much. he was way too attached to mark to just break up with him. no, he could not do it. 

but then there was jaemin. sweet, lovely, caring, handsome jaemin, who is always there for him. jaemin who would never leave his side. jaemin, who was in every aspect a better boyfriend than mark was. donghyuck wished there was a way for his heart to stop beating that fast whenever the boy was around. he wished he would stop noticing the little things about jaemin. he loves mark but he could not stop the feelings that jaemin made him feel. jaemin would treat him better than mark, he already does, but he can not leave mark. he does not want to go through that pain. 

on the other side, the more him and donghyuck fought, the closer mark was getting to renjun. he liked the smaller boy’s presence. it was somewhat comforting. renjun knew him. he did not have to tell renjun much for the other boy to notice things about him. renjun knew his way with words. he knew what to say in every situation. the way the words rolled of his tongue was so smooth, it surprised how someone could talk in such way. he always seemed to find the right ones. he always was able to comfort and cheer the older one up. maybe, the depth of the night, the growing sleepiness and the comforting silence made mark feel about renjun in ways he probably should not. especially, not while he is in a relationship with someone else. especially not, when he should get back to donghyuck.

it certainly was not in his intention to grow feelings for renjun, but he could not stop himself from growing them either. he felt more at ease with the chinese boy. every night, confusion invaded his brain. every time renjun left, mark asked himself how it was possible for the other boy to make him feel this way. he has not felt like this in a long time. daunting questions bothered him whether this feeling was love or not. he was sure he loved donghyuck. he could not deny it. even with all the fighting and bickering he was sure he loved the boy but what are these feelings towards renjun. how can he love both of them. 

in the past few years, renjun lived a bitter life with no directions to follow. his heart was chained with emotional numbness. he rejected the attempts of falling in love and even the thought of liking someone. the boy didn’t like the feeling of giving appreciation to others without even being appreciated in the very first place. he did not want to make that effort. it was useless to him. the concept of love was give and take and no one should be left behind. this is was his mother always told him. but when it actually comes to love he didn’t like the idea of it, at all. he despised love. nothing good could ever come from loving someone. love was always followed by pain, hurt feelings, sleepless nights and crying. it was cruel. especially one-sided love. no one could survive such love and its effect contributed greatly to the emotional malfunction of an individual. no one could survive love in general. it is truculent. it sometimes even frightens him, not that he would admit that out loud. how embarrassing would that be. terrified of love? pathetic. 

but seeing how it destroys mark and donghyuck bit by bit makes him disdain love even more. 

psychologically speaking emotions and feelings are real. if you love a person wholeheartedly, you will love them forever, even though they can not see you the way you see them. that is why love is always without condition. the most vulnerable position you can be in is loving someone. you open your heart to another person and your biggest wish is for them to return your feelings. you wish for nothing more. every time they show a sign of loving you back, you will feel overjoyed. however, it is unfortunate to fall in love with somebody who will never feel the same way. jaemin knows this. 

he felt the pain of loving somebody without your feelings being requited. he did not choose this for himself, it just happened. after all, you can not control love. you can not decide when you will fall love and when you will fall out of love. he did not realise when or how he fell in love. one day the realisation just hit him. nothing in his life hurted more than realising that what he felt for the other boy would never be reciprocated. their views on love were just too different for that. falling in love with renjun was one of the most beautiful things that happened to him, but it was also one of the most painful. jaemin had to agree with the boy, love was cruel however, it also made him feel warm and giddy. it made him feel good things. it cheered him up. renjun’s voice gives him butterflies and the boy manages to make jaemin’s pulse race. he makes jaemin feel all sorts of things but he does not even realise it. 

maybe that is why jaemin searches comfort in donghyuck. the other boy cares for him. he is always there when jaemin needs him and vice versa. it is soothing to be with donghyuck and if he dares to say, donghyuck even feels like home. it pains him to see donghyuck hurt because of mark. he wished he could help the boy. he wish he could save him from the pain. protect him even. donghyuck deserved the world. he wished he could help the boy in another ways than just taking donghyuck in his arms, rubbing circles on his back and whispering caring words. jaemin had a growing affection for the boy, but it was only brotherly, right?

the moment mark and donghyuck started dating two years ago was when everything started. it was new to both of them. neither had experienced relationships before. they indeed are each other’s first boyfriends. so they thought that the bickering and fighting was normal. well, it is normal for couples to fight but not to that extent. what they both did not know was that to a point its was even healthy to fight, but mark and donghyuck exceeded that point by far. it certainly was not healthy at all. they avoided saying what they need. they avoided talking. rather they searched comfort in others. their fighting even got to that extent that they decided to use seperate rooms.

it was a day like every other. school and club activities were as stressful as always and donghyuck was tired. he was exhausted and wanted nothing more than to get home and sleep. but he did not even get close to laying down in his bed. he came home to an annoyed looking mark and he knew nothing good would happen. he ignored mark’s ranting and only pressed a kiss against the older boy’s lip. “hello, baby.” mark seemed to relax a little but that soon seemed to change when he received a message. the older boy knitted his eyebrows in frustration. he sighed and sat down on the couch. “love, can you bring me a glass of water?” donghyuck did it without hesitating, wanting to know what the reason for his boyfriend’s frustration was. he was not expecting that mark would slam his phone down on the table when he returned. it made donghyuck jump and he accidentally let the glass fall. it shattered on the floor leaving broken glass pieces laying around and a puddle forming of the spilt water. the sound made mark’s headache even worse, now being annoyed at donghyuck. “are you fucking serious? are you too dumb to hold a glass?” donghyuck rolled his eyes. “i don’t have time for this mark. stop being such a sissy.” mark stood up again, now facing donghyuck. “you brought this onto yourself.” the other boy scoffed. “i brought this onto myself? have you gone mad? i didn’t do anything wrong. it’s not my fault if you can’t deal with your own shit. don’t lay the blame on me. you always do that.” mark walked closer to donghyuck. “donghyuck, be careful with what you say.” the younger boy chuckled. “what? what are you gonna do if i say something that doesn’t fit your image of how i should act around you? hm? are you going to break up with me? because that would be way better than this!” his voice grew louder with every sentence and when he finished there was a painful silence filling the room. donghyuck breathing was now heavy and his eyes were glassy. mark’s expression changed from a confused expression to an enraged. “yeah, why would i care? why are you still dating me, then? let’s break up.” “fine by me”, was the last thing donghyuck said before looking into mark’s eyes. there was regret showing in both of their eyes but donghyuck still decided it would be the best if he left the apartment for now. 

he just wanted a quiet evening and what he got was a break up instead. he stepped out of the block and tried to compose himself. he was shaking but he hoped he manages to type in the right number. it was cold outside and donghyuck tried to calm himself down even more while waiting for the person to pick up. the person immediately picked up. “jaemin, can you pick me up?”

curses left mark’s lips as he walked up and down the living room. he let himself fall on the couch. his head in his hands. “why can’t i ever just do something right? why do i always have to fuck up?” he was more mad at himself than at donghyuck. he felt the couch dip down beside him. mark did not have to look up to know that it was no else than renjun. the chinese boy did not have to say anything for mark to tell him what happened. “donghyuck and i fought again.” renjun carefully put a hand on mark’s back. renjun noticed the bloody scratches on mark’s hand, wondering what caused that. “and we broke up.” the canadian boy looked at the other boy. it was obvious that renjun was surprised by this, judging by his facial expression. mark and donghyuck fought a lot, everybody knows that, but not once did they decide to “break up”. renjun was perplexed. he did not know what he should say to mark. it took him awhile to think about something. “mark… i know i’ve said it like a hundred times already, but i really think you and hyuck should talk it out.” “bu-” “no, buts. really. talk it out with him. this time if you don’t do it, i will make you.” mark felt a shiver down his spine.

jaemin was there in no time and donghyuck was quite thankful for this. he was also thankful that jaemin thought about bringing him an extra jacket. unlike renjun, jaemin lived across the campus and therefore not in the same apartment block as him. the first thing donghyuck did when the other boy arrived was hug him. he did not utter a word. jaemin carefully patted his back. donghyuck was close to tears, which jaemin noticed. the latter but on arm around donghyuck’s shoulders and continued walking like this. “jeno is not home so no need to be worried” donghyuck pouted. “i wasn’t worried at all.” jaemin teasingly smiled at him. “are you sure?” donghyuck whined at jaemin. they soon arrived at jaemin’s dorm. while the latter went to the kitchen to get donghyuck something to drink, donghyuck made himself at home. “i still don’t understand how jeno managed to sneak in his cats.” it is safe to say that donghyuck sees jeno’s cats more often than the fellow 00 liner himself. he called bongshik over to him, putting her on his lap. out of the three cats, bongshik liked donghyuck the most. seol was either ignoring him or would not leave his side. there was no in between. nal, well with nal donghyuck was not sure. jeno says nal is just shy but comparing how nal is around jaemin and renjun with how he is around donghyuck. donghyuck is pretty sure the cat dislikes him. “i don't understand either how jeno could sneak the cats in.”

jaemin and donghyuck were sitting in the living room watching netflix. donghyuck had his arms wrapped around jaemin's torso while the latter was playing with donghyuck’s hair. they decided to watch a movie after donghyuck told jaemin what happened. “hyuck?” donghyuck hummed as a response. “i need to go meet jun for a little while. i promised him to talk.” donghyuck looked at jaemin, pouting. “you really wanna leave?” jaemin moved his hand from the other boy's hair to his cheek to caress it. “i won't be gone too long. i’ll be back soon, i promise. and i'll bring something to eat.”  
jaemin was waiting for renjun at their usual meeting point. well, it was their usual meeting point a long time ago. now only jaemin and renjun use it from time to time. before mark and donghyuck actually got together their group was different and the dynamic between all of them changed, too. jeno used to hang out with them a lot more often than he does now or rather he used to hang out more often with them than he does now. there also were two other students that hung out with them, chenle and jisung. since they are younger than the others they decided it would be nicer for them to spend time with people their age. jaemin and jeno sometimes dance with jisung and renjun talks to chenle when the chinese squad meets up, but that would be it. their group fell apart and that would not change so soon. jaemin's smile dropped at the memories. they were good memories, but it still was painful to lose good friends. 

meanwhile, renjun, who could not know what jaemin was thinking about, decided to sneak up on the taller boy and scare him. it was easy. jaemin would not notice him, considering he is lost in thoughts. it worked and jaemin got scared because of renjun. the boy looked like he wanted to fight whoever scared him but when he noticed it was renjun his expression softened. “you should've seen ya face”, laughed the chinese boy. jaemin shook his head and pouted. “that wasn't nice, jun. i thought you're a thief or a murderer” renjun rolled his eyes. jaemin continued pouting to which the other just muttered a “you're so cute.” he didn't expect for himself to say it out loud nor did he expect for jaemin to hear it. he got flustered when he noticed jaemin being taken aback by what he said. the younger boy was quick to catch himself and return to his usual flirtatious self. “oh? really? am i, renjun?”, he smirked and leaned more towards the other boy, “you’re also really cute.” flustered, renjun pushed jaemin away from himself. “shut up.” jaemin grinned. renjun did not meet his eyes and pushed him forward instead. “let’s go.” renjun could not understand what was wrong with him recently or why he was feeling this way. if anything he did not want to feel like this. he wants this feeling to go away. maybe, he should talk with someone but with who? well jaemin himself would be a bad option and with everything going on with mark and donghyuck he could not talk with them either. “jun? are you coming?” noticing that he has not moved since he told jaemin they should go, he quickly walked to jaemin's side. “eh, yeah… let's go.”

“where are we going?”, asked the chinese after he calmed himself down from earlier. “let’s first go to the 24h supermarket. you know how hyuck is when he’s hungry and we have nothing at home.” renjun chuckled which caused him to accidentally brush shoulders with the dark haired boy. “yeah, i remember.” for awhile they walked in comfortable silence. “i should buy something for mark, too. pretty sure he didn’t eat today. like always.” jaemin sighed. it was not something new to any to them that mark does not look after himself when he has so much stress. “i feel like we’re their parents. we always look after mark and hyuck. what if we weren’t there. what would they do without us.” renjun rolled his eyes. “as if come on.but i agree they should take better care of themselves. both of them.” they stopped their conversation when they arrived at the supermarket. they got a trolley and started looking for what they need. at one point they started exchanging what the couple or rather the former couple told them. jaemin leaned against the trolley. “they really should talk it out. this is messy.” renjun hummed in response, agreeing with what jaemin said. “but let’s make them talk when they want to. we shouldn’t force it. we can push them to talk but shouldn’t push them too hard.” 

when they walked back to renjun’s dorm, jaemin helped him with his bags even though renjun said he should not. they hugged each other good-bye and jaemin waited till renjun really entered the apartment. when the light haired boy closed the door, jaemin decided to walk back towards his own dorm. 

jaemin found donghyuck talking to some girls outside the dorm building. he mentally made a note to himself to ask donghyuck who these girls are since he has never talled to them before and donghyuck seems quite close to them. they probably attend the same lecture as donghyuck but it would not hurt to ask for their names. jaemin greeted the girls shortly but with a warm smile. most of them returned a welcoming smile, while some of them eyed him skeptically. he waited for donghyuck while the other boy bidded his classmates good-bye. “you know, hyuck. if you want someone to hit mark, call me.” the girls rolled their eyes at their friend and donghyuck laughed at the sentence. while walking up to jaemin’s apartment donghyuck felt the other boy’s eyes on him. “what is it?” “you’re holding my hand.” donghyuck quickly let go, blushing in response. “i’m sorry. it’s ju-” “it’s ok hyuck.” jaemin softly smiled at donghyuck. "perhaps you're right", mumbled donghyuck. "with what?", asked the other boy. "i should try talking it out with mark. it will be good for both of us" 

it was 4am when jaemin and donghyuck decided they should sleep. it was not any different for renjun and mark. normally, mark does not like skinship at all but it was different today. he needed it. he needed someone to comfort him. he hoped renjun would not mind and decided to wrap his arm around the younger boy’s torso. renjun gasped at the sudden content. “i’m sorry. usually, ducky and i cuddle when we have a bad day. but he isn’t here… probably won’t be … here… with me anymore.” renjun said nothing at that. instead he lifted his own hand and stroked mark’s hair. when he thought the older fell asleep he whispered softly. “he will be here. hyuck loves you. so much.”

**Author's Note:**

> yeaah i left it as kind of an open hopeful end because i couldn't decide if i wanted to make it a bad ending or a good ending xD or if i should make markhyuck get tgt or renmin or markren or nahyuck or markrenhyuckmin  
> sooo you decide xD
> 
> also i wrote this story like a year ago and i just decided to publish it. yeaaaah.


End file.
